You’d be tired, too, if you did it 10 times a day. Of course, you don’t.
Gloat all you want about humans being at the “top of the food chain” — when things hit the fan and you’re left in the wilderness without your barbecue tongs and packaged food, you might not feel so cocky. Yes, we harnessed fire. Tools. Espresso. Bicycles. Beer. Hip hop. These things are swell and all, but when it comes down to the nitty gritty of straight-up surviving, you’ll notice that humans come up a little short compared to the rest of the animal population.
1. Lifting things Humans: Can clean and jerk 1.7 times their bodyweight Rhinoceros Beetles: Can lift 285 times their bodyweight Winner: Rhinoceros Beetles
2. Flying Humans: Have to pay a minimum of approximately $100 US to fly, plus more for checked bags Birds: Can fly for free, do not check bags. Do not take bags. Winner: Birds
3. Digesting food Humans: Have to cook meat All other carnivorous animals: Do not have to cook their meat Winner: All other carnivorous animals
4. Being hungry Humans: Can go without food for up to 73 days Crocodiles: Can go without food for up to two years Winner: Crocodiles
5. Going without water Humans: Can go up to five days without drinking water Camels: Can go six to seven months without drinking water Winner: Camels
6. Living without head Humans: Cannot live without head Cockroaches: Can live for weeks without head Winner: Cockroaches
7. Sex (quantity; obviously quality is totally subjective) Humans: Average human has sex 100-130 times per year Bonobos: Have sex up to 10 times per day Winner: Bonobos
8. Swimming Humans: Can swim 5.34 mph Cosmopolitan Sailfish: Can swim 68 mph Winner: Cosmopolitan sailfish
9. Staying warm Emperor Penguins: Survive temperatures of -76° F Humans: Complain, put on down jackets, and light campfires at 45-50° F Winner: Penguins
10. Staying cool Pompeii Worm: Can tolerate temps of 176° F Humans: Turn air conditioners on between 85° F and 100° F Winner: Pompeii Worm
11. Longevity Madagascar Radiated Tortoise: Can live to at least 188 years Humans: Can live to 122 years Winner: Madagascar Radiated Tortoise
12. Legs Humans: 2 legs Millipede: 750 legs Winner: Millipede
13. Running Humans: Can run 27.79 mph Cheetahs: Can run 70 mph Winner: Cheetahs
14. Breathing underwater Humans: Cannot breathe underwater Fish: Can breathe underwater Winner: Fish