National Parks to Reopen With Grant From Google

National Parks to Reopen With Grant From Google

It’s been a tough week for national parks, thanks to the federal government shutdown. Grand Canyon rafters threatened to rush


adventure journal adventurey report google nps

It’s been a tough week for national parks, thanks to the federal government shutdown. Grand Canyon rafters threatened to rush the blocked gate at Lee’s Ferry. Hundreds of elk were displaced from Rocky Mountain National Park, with nowhere to go but the Estes Park Golf Course in the center of town, where the activities of rutting season (now in full swing) have made playing through awkward. Avalanches on Mt. Rainier came to a screeching halt. Climbers in Yosemite’s Camp 4 showered and left. But even though there’s no sign of compromise from ultra right-wing conservatives in the House of Representatives who caused the shutdown, there’s still good news: The White House has announced that national parks will reopen beginning this Saturday, thanks to a donation from Google.

The deal came together after President Obama met with business leaders to pressure Republicans to drop their opposition to the Affordable Care Act. One of the execs was Google founder Sergey Brin.

“I asked what Google could do to help,” Brin said, “and the president joked, ‘A big fat check would be nice,’ so I pulled out my Capitol One Rewards card and told him to go wild. He’s stoked, the parks will open again, and the miles I’m going get — man!”

The parks will open in two waves — “the cool ones first,” said Brin, “followed by those other ones.” In a show of magnanimity, Yosemite’s waterfalls will be turned back on by Friday evening, as will Old Faithful in Yellowstone National Park. The Colorado River “might take another day or two” because of its size, he said.

Google’s donation comes with two stipulations: The National Park Service logo will temporarily be rebranded with Google’s famous color scheme, and all NPS employees will be required to wear Google Glass, whose video streams will be live webcast 24/7.

“America is grateful to Google for this very generous gift,” said Obama at a news conference, “and the director of the NSA told me he’s especially excited about the Google Glass project.”

Climber Alex Honnold, reached in a pizza joint in Oakhurst, California, just outside Yosemite, said, “Well, yeah, I’m stoked cause I can get back to my sit-down Nose project. But this means I took a shower for nothing.”


The Adventurey Report is almost certainly not true.


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Steve Casimiro is the editor of Adventure Journal.
Showing 57 comments
  • Beth Anne Stuebe
    Beth Anne Stuebe
    Reply

    Dammit. I almost had hope. Anne Racioppi

  • Sean Cummings
    Sean Cummings
    Reply

    Greg Ory

  • Bryan Shipley
    Bryan Shipley
    Reply

    Lame

  • Christopher Byars
    Christopher Byars
    Reply

    Adventure Journal, you have been spending WAY too much time with The Onion!

    • Lauren
      Reply

      RIGHT?!

  • Arlene Burns
    Arlene Burns
    Reply

    go google!

  • Eve Wills
    Eve Wills
    Reply

    Not so funny.

  • Kirk McLaney
    Kirk McLaney
    Reply

    Why doesn’t the Adventure Journal report on how the Obama administration is forcing national parks closed that do not depend on government funding. Parks that are totally self-sufficient and use money earned at the park to operate. Would it be that this type of reporting reflects the real truth about Obama and therefore not Adventure Journal’s idea of desirable reporting?

    • AJ Lapre
      Reply

      I’m not aware of any National Parks that are not government funded. Which parks are you referring to?

  • Christopher Byars
    Christopher Byars
    Reply

    What parks are there that do not rely on federal funding? Kirk McLaney…

  • Tam Grant
    Tam Grant
    Reply

    ahhaha.

  • Kyle Queener
    Kyle Queener
    Reply

    You dirty little tease

  • Don Feltham
    Don Feltham
    Reply

    Kirk you are a true douche bag. Maybe you and your tea party friends can take a flying leap off one of the many cliffs available in the parks. That might garner you the attention you so desparately crave and generate some revenue at the same time. I for one would gladly pay to see the Repub Terrorist clique do an imitation of Bill Murray and the Groundhog’s truck ride in the movie, which your party’s so called agenda reflects more and more – same old crap, “I got you babe” over and over…

  • Mayan Smith-Gobat
    Mayan Smith-Gobat
    Reply

    Is this true?!

    • Jason
      Reply

      Mayan your the best! Sadly I think it is a joke. I saw your slideshow on Friday, top notch. Keep on crushing!!

  • Adventure Journal
    Adventure Journal
    Reply

    Okay kids, let’s keep this civil. I will delete any comments and bar commenters who make this personal and/or start a political mudfest. If you don’t think the Adventurery Report is funny, or don’t like it, that’s fine, you’re welcome to criticize. But please, no personal attacks. — Steve

    • Joseph
      Reply

      I can only see that someone would joke around about this if they were completely out of touch with reality. Lots of people in the “adventure” industry are being burned right now…..not only the government.

      Grow up Adventure Journal!

  • Bret Love
    Bret Love
    Reply

    I agree with Eve Wills. We have many friends who work in U.S. National Parks, and other branches of gov’t, and for them this shutdown is no laughing matter.

  • Diane Levin Winger
    Diane Levin Winger
    Reply

    Sigh…if only it were true. Sigh.

  • Tam Grant
    Tam Grant
    Reply

    Don’t get excited, Kirk didn’t even read the article. lol.

  • Rebecca Shannon
    Rebecca Shannon
    Reply

    Thank you Google!!!

  • Rebecca Shannon
    Rebecca Shannon
    Reply

    D’oh. Read the article before interrupting a meeting to proclaim salvation. Red-faced. But it would be nice.

  • Melissa Candee Beulin
    Melissa Candee Beulin
    Reply

    Not funny.

  • Katie Shackelford Holmes
    Katie Shackelford Holmes
    Reply

    I am with Mayan is this real!?? Because it would be pretty amazing if it was!

  • Heather Sunshine
    Heather Sunshine
    Reply

    It was cruel to get my hopes up ya jerks.

  • Kelly O
    Kelly O'Brien
    Reply

    Gah wouldnt that be awesome

  • Nick
    Reply

    Google funds NPS! I think we’re ALL feeling lucky.

  • João Guilherme Montenegro
    João Guilherme Montenegro
    Reply

    it was all cool and great `til i read the following quote:“America is grateful to Google for this very generous gift,” said Obama at a news conference, “and the director of the NSA told me he’s especially excited about the Google Glass project.”

    first-person spionage here we go…

  • Bart Allen Berry
    Reply

    So where are all the Camp 4 denizens hanging out? Fresno domes? The Owens? Maybe the closure will result in some great new route activity – not on federal lands – where no one can ban you for life for camping ‘out of bounds’ …. :)

  • Alli Noland
    Alli Noland
    Reply

    I’m not sure I like that. I wants our parks to open, but I want the government to pull their heads out of their butts, and the privatization of our national parks – if even through one-time or temporary granting – seems like it’s not only defeating the purpose of a gov’t shutdown, but a scary prospect for the future, and just what ‘free-market’ tea partiers want

  • Fred Hammerquist
    Fred Hammerquist
    Reply

    Nice one Steve! The situation is such a s__t show all one can do is find some humor in it : )

  • John
    Reply

    this was as childish as the shutdown itself.

    tisk tisk

  • Karen Catchpole
    Karen Catchpole
    Reply

    Totally funny. But not such a bad idea, really…

  • Brad Tawzer
    Brad Tawzer
    Reply

    I wonder what they will receive in turn? I seriously doubt this is out of the goodness of their heart.

    • Nick
      Reply

      Rumor is they will allow free entry if you are a member of Google+.

      • steve casimiro
        Reply

        Love.

  • Sloan
    Reply

    Thank you for making me smile today. :-) One personal bright-side of the shut down…I get to sneak my bike into Acadia and ride the park loop road and Cadillac Mtn. with no cars.

  • Daren Cottle
    Reply

    Nice work Steve.

  • Kathleen Rock
    Reply

    There’s still plenty of conservative hating posts left up so it’s good to see AJ keeping it’s word about taking down the hate posts. . .. Because clearly it’s only hateful if it’s dissent of the Obama administration.

  • Dan Benedict
    Dan Benedict
    Reply

    Uh, Brad? The article was a spoof. OK?

  • Jay Ondrovic
    Jay Ondrovic
    Reply

    Thanks Sergey. And I hear maps will now give location of all bears real time.

  • Ranger
    Reply

    Thanks Google/S Brin I hoped my NPS parks annual pass helps also

  • Ranger
    Reply

    PS maybe keep the colors for a while

  • Lee
    Reply

    Some of ya’ll must have missed this part:

    “The Adventurey Report is almost certainly not true.”

    Nice work Steve, this is one of my favorite A-R’s.

    • steve casimiro
      Reply

      :)

  • max
    Reply

    Adventure Journal, this is coming from a 17 year veteran Yellowstone National Park employee, thanks for nothing .The employees and local resident are being kept up to date on a daily basis thru NPS website and other employee websites thru out the Montana-Wyoming-Idaho area. So please keep your made up news too yourselves. If the staff over at A.J. think this is funny I invite you too come and visit us here in Southern Montana/Northern Wyoming and try too make a joke out of OUR situation. I dare you!!

  • Adam Olson
    Reply

    This is absolutely the best part of my day! Bravo Steve. Everyone needs to lighten up. I enjoy the satire, it shows how foolish the whole debacle of “shut down” really is.

  • Mike
    Reply

    “But even though there’s no sign of compromise from ultra right-wing conservatives in the House of Representatives who caused the shutdown,” BS
    It’s all good except for the quotation above.

  • Chris
    Reply

    Pretty lame Adventure Journal. There are a lot of people/families affected by the shutdown, myself included. We live just outside Yellowstone and I can assure you that there aren’t a lot of people around here that will think this is funny. A quick and easy way to get some attention at the expense of your integrity. Sorry, no more AJ love from me.

  • Jay Long
    Reply

    I have to admit…the story seemed believable. I could see Google using the powerful marketing ploy of NPS employees wearing the glasses, and streaming it through a Google app. I would watch that. But when all is said and done, I hope our “leaders”–and I use that term loosely–can work this thing out and get everyone back to business. BTW…the polarization of this forum should demonstrate how negative and destructive party thinking can be. We have to start critically thinking for ourselves–not the party. Don’t be fooled by the political slant.

  • Sophie
    Reply

    Talk about an emotional roller coaster D:

  • Anthony
    Reply

    I’m sorry but this is not funny everybody talks about the government employees that are out of work because of this who will be paid furlow pay when this is over. How about the thousands of employees that live and work in these parks for the private concessionaires who are currently out of work or are being forced to take there vacation time which will not be reimbursed for this time while the government can’t pull there heads out of their collective u know what’s. So please crack jokes laugh it up but for those of us who are having to suffer through this closure don’t find it funny and don’t appreciate people making light of this situation.

    • susan
      Reply

      yeah… its still pretty funny tho.

  • Bart Allen Berry
    Reply

    How twisted have things become that we are being kept out of the national parks that ‘we the people’ actually own (and continue to pay for) because we have a team of dysfunctional crappy managers who don’t seem to understand their mandate as caretakers and managers of this great country’s assets and resources. I am voting for no confidence across the board. I thought learning how not to crash the plane was supposed to be government 101. We can definitely do better. How about ‘occupy’ our national parks.? Everyone should send an email to their senetor or congressman: “You suck. Fix it today or you’re fired”.

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